A lot of people make a big deal about how having children will change your life. "You'll never get to go anywhere fun!" "You'll never be able to afford it!" "You'll ruin your figure, not to mention your life!" Oh, and my personal favorite - "Just forget about romance after this!" People make a big deal about almost any major event in your life (and theirs). As if the world is coming to an end just because you have to plan your life more carefully or work out more diligently. But what they tend to forget is that you can turn almost anything to your advantage as a writer. And major life experiences are no exception.
No, this is not a blog post on how having my daughter has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Nor it is a blog post on the many ways she actually has changed my life. (For the record - the romance only leaves if you let it. Just sayin'.) This post is going to be about how life-changing events, like having a child, can actually improve your writing on a level nothing else can.
How? Here are three important ways.
1) It makes you think about priorities. This may sound daunting and undoubtedly cliched, but any change in your life that starts to cause inconveniences (from missing Mom's old coffee maker to waking up at 3:30 a.m. to a baby's cries) will make you rethink what's important in your life. Our lives only have so much room despite our efforts to cram everything in. Which means that we have to decide what is important enough to make time to do and what isn't. As harsh as it sounds, if the one thing you don't have time or energy or inspiration for is writing, then it's time to let it go temporarily. If you find yourself spiraling downward without it, it means you're still a writer at heart. If you find your life is simply that much better without it - it means you're not really a writer at heart and you need to focus on those passions you were created for.
2) It gives you fuel for your stories. The more experiences you are exposed to, the more you will have to write about. I haven't had that much happen to me throughout my life compared to most people, certainly not many big life changes. (Either that, or I just didn't realize that they were big life changes at the time.) So for years I have struggled with the phrase "write what you know". If I was supposed to write about only my life experiences, then my book was going to be awfully boring! (More on that phrase in a later post...) Now that I've had more happen to me (marriage, moving away from family, having a baby), I not only feel like I have actually had something happen in my life - I have SO much more to write about! I now have a huge increase in story material from my own life that I can write about expertly because (duh!) it happened to me. And that leads to the most important way a life changing event helps a writer...
3) It allows a writer to sympathize with the characters. Most of my stories growing up were about people older than me, in different circumstances than me, dealing with a lot of things I could only imagine I knew about. And it made for pretty unconvincing story lines, not because I hadn't done my research, but because I had no source for emotional connection with my characters. I had never been separated from a loved one, so I couldn't properly relate how a girl would feel if the love of her life got sent off to war. I had never had a child, so I couldn't properly relate how a parent would feel about watching a child have to go through something difficult. I had never been through surgery, so I couldn't properly relate how a person would feel having to deal with rehab. Now that I have experienced all these major life events, I can write as though I understand what a character is going through even if their particular life experiences are slightly different than mine. Why? Because I have been through similar situations, if not identical ones (I'm pretty sure no one has ever carried around a magic ring and had to dump it in a volcanic mountain before). And while before the reactions I came up with were noble and brave and idealistic, I can now write reactions that are more realistic. People are people. They don't always react like they should. And having been through some "stuff" myself, I can now understand why they don't. It makes for better plot lines, more lifelike characters, and reactions people can believe.
Does all this mean that writing is made any easier having a child around? Or living in a new area where you don't know anyone? Or dealing with a physical condition that takes up a lot of your time? Absolutely not! But easier isn't always better. Just ask my post-pregnancy-work-out-sore abs - sometimes you have to endure pain to build muscle. So don't complain about the inconvenience of life experiences. Start using them!
Sincerely,
Yours Truly
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I look forward to reading what you have to say in reply to what I just wrote!