He Said, She Said...and Neither Needed To

     What is dialogue? The online version of the Merriam-Webster dictionary brought up the following definitions:

     1) The things that are said by the characters in a story, movie, play, etc.

     2) A discussion or series of discussions that two groups or countries have in order to end a disagreement.

     3) A conversation between two or more people.

     You'll notice that none of those three definitions included the phrase "used to describe scenery or actions in a book so that the author doesn't have to bore the audience with a sentence or two doing the exact same thing in the narrative". 

     And yet that is exactly how too many amateur authors and authoresses treat dialogue. Seriously, why is that so hard to avoid? There are a couple of semi-valid reasons that writers resort to this method of description. Fortunately (for me at least) they are also very easy to address.

     One reason an author may be tempted to insert description during dialogue is that it seems far more clever than the traditional route of using the narrative. And I have to agree - that is a VERY tempting proposition. Especially when you have reader friends who keep insisting that you stop "writing like Charles Dickens". (Trust me, I've had my full of that. It's called GOOD WRITING, people!...Ahem...) It sounds simple enough. Take all the boring descriptions; slip it into the dialogue. Nobody will notice, right? Um, wrong!

     Another reason is that the author is actually attempting to write in a classic style. Everyone looks up to "the classics". Even authors of what my mother calls 'fluff novels' can become famous for their flowery narrative. That's what people look for in good books, so why not include it in the dialogue and make it really flowery? Again, wrong!

     And then there's a third reason. (And please don't be offended by it.) But a very big problem with many amateur author's dialogue sections is plain ignorance. You hear some description in dialogue every day. 

     "Hey - who's that?" 

     "Who?" 

     "That blonde girl walking in with Prescott." 

     "Where?" 

     "Over by the entrance." 

     "Which one?" 

     "Seriously?! The one by the water fountain."

     You hear that and it sounds natural. So it's no surprise that many amateur authors try to fit that kind of dialogue into their stories. But they get carried away and don't realize that they're including too much description. Instead, it turns out like this:

     "Hey - who's that girl?"

     "What girl?"

     "The girl with the flowing blonde hair and the pretty, sharp green cocktail dress? She's walking in in those stunning bejeweled stilettos."

     "Where?"

     "Over there behind the vine-covered columns near the southwest entrance."

     "Which one is that?"

     "Seriously?! The southwest entrance by the blue trickling waterfall surrounded by sweet mermaids."

     (I kid you not - I have actually read a published book written by a friend that read like that!)

      See? Not nearly as natural. Way overdone. Almost annoying. And it will easily lose that author's audience.

     Now all thee of these reasons seem legitimate at the time. But you take a dialogue sequence like that, and - well, it's just not worth the effort you'll have to put in once it's time for the rewrite. 

     So, how to nip it in the bud? 

     Easy! When you start writing dialogue, STOP. Talk it out loud to yourself first (as all the parts). The ear is the best writer of all, so they say. (They are totally right, by the way! See my other article on the subject of talking to yourself - I mean, your characters!) Then, while it's still fresh in your mind, write it down as fast as you can. Then, read it out loud to yourself, acting it out so to speak. If it still sounds good, keep going. If not...take a very long break with a big plate of brownies followed by a long walk and a tall glass of water. And start all over again.

     Hope that this helps you! If not...my apologies. 

     Sincerely,

          Yours Truly